Yankovic!

Yankovic! : Published Lyrics : Polka Party


  1. Living With A Hernia
  2. Dog Eat Dog
  3. Addicted To Spuds
  4. Just One Of Those Days
  5. Polka Party
  6. Here's Johnny
  7. Don't Wear Those Shoes
  8. Toothless People
  9. Good Enough For Now
  10. Christmas At Ground Zero

"Living With a Hernia" written by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Help me out! Dig! All I do is grunt and groan Hurts me to walk anywhere Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones He took my trousers off, told me to cough Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss Living with a hernia All the time, such aggravation Living with a hernia Gonna be my ruination Living with a hernia Got to have an operation Feel so old Too much bad pain Good gawd, drives me insane Can't run, barely crawl Got a bulge in my intestinal wall Walk real funny, bless my soul Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl You can't even do the splits now... Say it! Better call it quits now Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow Living with a hernia Hurts me bad in a tender location Living with a hernia Had enough humiliation Living with a hernia Got to have an operation I live with a hernia Can't get up, can't bend over Now I live with a hernia Wait a minute... You may not be familiar with the common types Of hernias that you could get So just settle down, let me clue you in There's incomplete Epigastric Bladder Strangulated Lumbar hernia Richter's hernia Obstructed Inguinal and Direct Living with a hernia...Rupture! I said it's causin' me such irritation Living with a hernia Have to have my medication Living with a hernia I feel bad!
"Dog Eat Dog" by "Weird Al" Yankovic Found a job in a great big office And I really love this place I got my... my very own Scotch tape dispenser And I got a private parking space...ha! And I got a coffee mug with my name right on it In big bold letters so everyone knows it's mine Don't even touch it, 'cause it doesn't belong to you I'm watching you, so don't get funny I'm climbing up, up the corporate ladder Watch out...It's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Here we go I love to watch my boss get angry So I can count the veins on his neck...ha! Every day is like a picnic Every Friday, get a check Well, do I smell jelly donuts? This is my lucky day! I'll have some coffee with a carcinogenic sweetener Hold on a minute, just one more jelly donut They'll never miss it...No, they'll never miss it! I'm climbing up, up the corporate ladder Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Watch out...Hey! Well, it's dog eat dog Sometimes I can't believe this is all really happening Sometimes I can't believe that I'm really sitting here Sometimes I tell myself, "This is not my beautiful stapler!" Sometimes I tell myself, "This is not my beautiful chair!" Nobody's sure what I do here And that's just fine with me Five o'clock is here much too soon now 'Cause I just never wanna leave I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals Maybe I could get on David Letterman I think I made a big mistake Where's my liquid paper? Where's my liquid paper? I'm climbing up, way up the corporate ladder now Watch out...Well, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels all right Better be careful now, it's dog eat dog Watch me work...Hey! Hey! Stand back now! Look out, mama, it's dog eat dog Nose against the grindstone, it feels real good! Hey! Dog eat dog
"Addicted to Spuds" written by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Potato skins, potato cakes Hash browns and instant flakes Baked or boiled or French fried There's no kind you haven't tried You planned a trip to Idaho Just to watch potatoes grow I understand how you must feel I can't deny they've got a peel Wo, you like 'em whether they're plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough You know, you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds Your greasy hands, your salty lips Looks like you found the chips Your belly aches, your teeth grind Some tater tots would blow your mind And you don't mind if they're not cooked You need your fix, I guess you're hooked And late at night you always dream Of bacon bits and sour cream Wo, you like 'em even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah It's pretty obvious to me you can't get enough You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds I'm giving up, it's just no use Another case of spud abuse What can I say, what can I do Potato bug has got me, too Wo, I used to hate 'em, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah I've often seen 'em whipped, but they just can't be beat Now I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to spuds
One of Those Days by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted The boss chewed me out and everybody's disgusted 'Cause it's just one of those days It's just one of those days I lost one of my socks in the drier I can't find my wallet and my hair is on fire Just one of those days It's just one of those days I just wrapped my Cadillac around a tree A big swarm of locusts is following me There's not even anything good on TV It's just one of those days It's just one of those days Left all my Beatles records out in the sun Got a Coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue It's just one of those days Gonna be one of those days The Nazis tied me up and covered me with ants And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants Just one of those days Ever have one of those days? The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone! It just...just one of those, one of those days Just one of those, one of those days The F.B.I. has got a tap on my phone Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone Shouldn't have got up this morning, shoulda known It's just one of those days It's just one of those days A 747 crashed into my den And there's nothin' but tater tots for dinner again It's just one of those days Never mind, it's just one of those days Big steamroller just ran over my mom And I cut myself shaving and they're dropping the bomb It's just one of those days That's all, it's just one of those days Then late at night, just before I go to bed The world blows up and now everybody's dead You just can't deny it, it's just like I said Just...just one of those, one of those days Just one of those days, one of those days
Polka Party [Sledgehammer/Peter Gabriel] You could have a big dipper Going up and down all around the bends You can have a bumper car, bumping This amusement never ends I want to be... your sledgehammer Why don't you call my name? Oh! Oh let me be your sledgehammer This can be your testimony, yeah... yeah! [Sussudio/Phil Collins] There's a girl that's been on my mind All the time, Su-su-sussudio Oh oh! Now she don't even know my name But I think she likes me just the same Su-sussudio... whoa-oh! [Party All the Time/Eddie Murphy] And my girl wants to Party all the time, party all the time, party all the time My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time (She parties all the time.) [Say You, Say Me/Lionel Richie] Say you, say me Say it for always That's the way it should be Say you, say me Say it together Naturally [Freeway of Love/Aretha Franklin]] We're going riding on the freeway of love (wind's against our back) We're going riding on the freeway of love (in a pink Cadillac) [What You Need/INXS] That's what... you need... That's what... That's what you need That's what you need [Harlem Shuffle/The Rolling Stones] Ja, ja, ja do the Harlem polka (Everybody now) Ja, ja, ja do the Harlem polka [Venus/Shocking Blue] She's got it. Yeah baby she's got it Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire What's your desire? [Nasty/Janet Jackson] Nasty! Nasty boys, don't mean a thing Oh you nasty boys Nasty! Nasty boys, don't ever change Oh you nasty boys I like this part [Rock Me Amadeus/Falco] Oooh! Rock me Amadeus Oooh! Rock me Amadeus Oooh! Rock me Amadeus Oooh! [Shout/Tears for Fears] Shout! Shout! Let it all out! These are the things I can't do without Come on, I'm talking to you Come on [Papa Don't Preach/Madonna] Please papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep But I've made up my mind I'm keeping my baby I'm gonna keep my baby I'm gonna keep my baby
Here's Johnny by 'Weird Al' Yankovic There he goes, he drives me crazy When he says...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) That's his job, it's so amazing All he says is...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) I never miss a moment when he's on the tube His being there has made my life worth living The chills run down my spine Each time he says that line "Here's Johnny!" He says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, and "second fiddle" is his game Ed McMahon's his name...all right Dressed so fine, he's such a cool dude Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) Watch him selling beer and dog food Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!) I got a letter from him just the other day He said, "You may already be a winner!" A trooper to the end A Clydesdale's best friend "Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, and that's the way he gets his pay What a living Oh...(Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) Wo-o-o, no (Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) No no no no no no, I don't believe it (Here's Johnny!) he says, and everytime it's just the same Ed McMahon's his name A very special guy...all right He's on every night Can't change the channel When he's sitting on the panel (Hee-eere's Johnny!) There he goes, he gives me goose bumps When he says...(Hey-O-Hey-Hey-O!) "Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way "...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him "Here's Johnny!" he says, that seems to be his claim to fame Ed McMahon's his name
Don't Wear Those Shoes by 'Weird Al' Yankovic I don't care If you wreck my car or shave off all my hair You can go And run your vacuum during my favorite show And I'll let you call up folks in Europe you don't even know Anything you want, babe, if it makes you happy But I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can spend my money, you can waste my time Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes Don't wear those shoes It's all right You can play your Twisted Sister every night I suppose You can lick the middles out of my Oreos Or start laughing while you're drinking milk so it comes out your nose And you know that I'd do anything to please you But I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can spit in my face if you're so inclined Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes Oh no, don't wear those shoes I said, oh no, oh no Oh no, please don't wear those... Use my razor to shave your legs or eat crackers in bed Stomp the poodle till it's flat You could even shove a six-inch railroad spike through my head I could learn to live with that But now I'm begging you down on my bended knees Oh honey, please don't wear those shoes You can whip me, beat me, rob me blind Baby I don't mind, but please don't wear those... I said, oh no, oh no, oh no, don't wear those shoes I said, oh no, oh no, oh no, don't wear those shoes You can scratch up my records, you can drink my booze But baby, please don't wear those shoes You can make me an offer I can't refuse But darling, please don't wear those shoes You can play your bongos while I'm trying to snooze But honey, please don't wear those shoes You can expose yourself on the six o'clock news But please, please don't wear those shoes
Toothless People by 'Weird Al' Yankovic They only show you their gums when they smile Ain't got a tooth in their heads now...how vile Only can eat things like pudding and applesauce They never have to buy toothpicks or dental floss Hey! Stand up! Toothless people...their breath is lethal, wanna tell you Hey...come on! Stand up...get on your feet! Toothless people...old and feeble, what I say No more of those pearly whites will they possess Their oral hygiene is frightful...a mess Lots of 'em suffering from trench mouth and gum disease At least they don't have to worry 'bout cavities Hey! Stand up...take out your teeth! Toothless people...old and feeble, oh yes You can brush 'em, you can floss 'em They're something you just can't ignore If you lose 'em, you're in trouble 'Cause the tooth fairy won't come no more You need something to show your dentist The next time he makes you say "ahh..." You don't wanna have to wind up Eating all of your food through a straw Like toothless people Toothless people...you'd better brush your teeth now Hey...toothless, toothless, toothless, toothless people
Good Enough for Now by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest Well, at any rate, I guess you're...pretty good Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more I honestly can say you're an above-average lady You're almost just what I've been looking for You're sort of everything I've ever wanted You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow You're the woman that I've always dreamed of Well, not really...but you're good enough for now You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for That's why my love for you is fairly strong And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin' At least 'til something better comes along 'Cause you're sort of everything I've ever wanted You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow You're the woman that I've always dreamed of Well, not really...but you're good enough for now No, not really...but you're good enough for now
Christmas at Ground Zero by 'Weird Al' Yankovic It's Christmas at Ground Zero There's music in the air The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carollers are singin' While the air raid sirens blare It's Christmas at Ground Zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That "This is not a test..." Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin' It's the end of all humanity No more time for last minute shoppin' It's time to face your final destiny Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero There's panic in the crowd We can dodge debris while we trim the tree Underneath a mushroom cloud You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost on your windowsill But if someone's climbin' down your chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero And if the radiation level's okay I'll go out with you and see the all new Mutations on New Year's Day It's Christmas at Ground Zero Just seconds left to go I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover Underneath the mistletoe It's Christmas at Ground Zero Now the missles are on their way What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday

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