Yankovic!

Yankovic! : Published Lyrics : Straight Outta Lynwood



White and Nerdy --------------- parody of "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire They see me mowin'... my front lawn I know they're all thinkin' I'm so white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Can't ya see I'm white & nerdy? Look at me, I'm white & nerdy I wanna roll with... the gangstas But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy I'm just too white & nerdy Really, really white & nerdy First in my class there at MIT Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D MC Escher, that's my favorite MC Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea My rims never spin - to the contrary You'll find that they're quite stationary All of my action figures are cherry Stephen Hawking's in my library My MySpace page is all totally pimped out Got people beggin' for my Top 8 spaces Yo, I know pi to a thousand places Ain't got no grills, but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I'm a whiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days Once you see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed My fingers movin' so fast, I'll set the place ablaze There's no killer app I haven't run At Pascal, well, I'm number one Do vector calculus just for fun I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun "Happy Days" is my favorite theme song I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon Here's the part I sing on... They see me roll on... my Segway I know in my heart they think I'm white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Can't ya see I'm white & nerdy? Look at me, I'm white & nerdy I'd like to roll with... the gangstas Although it's apparent I'm too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy I'm just too white & nerdy How'd I get so white & nerdy? I've been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics, you know I collect 'em The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia I memorized "Holy Grail" really well I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL I got a business doin' web sites When my friends need some code, who do they call? I do HTML for 'em all Even made a home page for my dog Yo, I got myself a fanny pack They were havin' a sale down at The Gap Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap Pop pop, hope no one sees me... gettin' freaky I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream I was in A/V Club and Glee Club and even the chess team Only question I ever thought was hard Was, do I like Kirk or do I like Picard? Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire Got my name on my underwear They see me strollin'... they laughin' And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white & nerdy Just because I'm white & nerdy Just because I'm white & nerdy All because I'm white & nerdy Holy cow, I'm white & nerdy I wanna bowl with... the gangstas But oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy Think I'm just too white & nerdy I'm just too white & nerdy Look at me, I'm white & nerdy
Pancreas -------- Ooooweeooo ahhhh ooooh I'm always thinkin' 'bout it I don't know what I'd do without it I love, I really love my pancreas My spleen just doesn't matter Don't really care about my bladder But I don't leave home without my pancreas My pancreas is always there for me Secreting those enzymes Secreting those hormones too Metabolizing carbohydrates just for me My pancreas My pancreas My pancreas My pancreas My pancreas My pancreas Oooh My pancreas attracts every other pancreas in the universe With a force proportional to the product of their masses And inversely proportional to the distance between them Woo woo woo woo Don't you know you gotta flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice Flow, flow, into the duodenum Won't you flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice Flow, flow, into the duodenum Insulin, glucagon Comin' from the islets of Langerhans Insulin, glucagon Comin' from the islets of Langerhans Lipase, amylase and trypsin They gonna help with-a my digestion Lipase, amylase and trypsin They gonna help with-a my digestion Can't you see I love my pancreas Golly gee, I love my pancreas Can't you see I love my pancreas Golly gee, I love my pancreas Can't you see I love my pancreas Golly gee, I love my pancreas Can't you see I love my pancreas Golly gee, I love my pancreas Can't...
Canadian Idiot -------------- parody of "American Idiot" by Green Day Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head? I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed They all live on donuts and moose meat And they leave the house without packin' heat Never even bring their guns to the mall And you know what else is too funny? Their stupid Monopoly money Can't take 'em seriously at all Well maple syrup and snow's what they export They treat curling just like it's a real sport They think their silly accent is so cute Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot Sure they got their national health care Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air Then again well they got Celine Dion Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni And dream of drivin' a Zamboni All over Saskatchewan Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius See the map, they're hoverin' right over us Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous Always hear the same kind of story Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry" Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite? It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin' So quick, before they see it comin' Time for a pre-emptive strike!
I'll Sue Ya ----------- I sued Taco Bell 'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas And I got fat! I sued Panasonic They never said I shouldn't use their microwave To dry off my cat Huh, I sued Earthlink 'Cause I called them up N' they had the nerve to put me on hold I sued Starbucks 'Cause I spilled a Frappucino in my lap And brrr, it was cold! I sued Toys'R'Us 'Cause I swallowed a Nerf ball And nearly choked to death Ugh, I sued PetCo 'Cause I ate a bag of kitty litter And now I got bad breath! I sued Coca-Cola, yo 'Cause I put my finger down in a bottle And it got stuck! I sued Delta Airlines 'Cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey I went there, and it sucked! Yeah!!! If you stand me up on a date If you deliver my pizza 30 seconds late I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah I might even sue you! Ugh!! I sued Duracell They never told me not to shove that double-A Right up my nose I sued Home Depot 'Cause they sold me a hammer Which they knew I might drop on my toes I sued Dell Computers 'Cause I took a bath with my laptop Now it doesn't work I sued Fruit of the Loom 'Cause when I wear their tightie-whities on my head I look like a jerk I sued Verizon 'Cause I get all depressed Any time my cell phone is roaming I sued Colorado 'Cause you know, I think it looks a little bit too much Like Wyoming I sued Neiman Marcus 'Cause they put up their Christmas decorations Way out of season I sued Ben Affleck -- Aw, do I even need a reason? Ugh! If I sprain my ankle While I'm robbing your place If I hurt my knuckles When I punch you in the face I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sue, sue Yes, I'm gonna sue Sue, sue, that's right I'm gonna sue you Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! I'll take all of your money I'll sue ya! If you even look at me funny I'll sue ya! Ha-ha ha ha-haa I'll sue ya! What'chall think of that? I'll sue ya! Ha-ha ha ha-haa Boo ya! I'll sue ya! Ugh!
Polkarama --------- ["The Chicken Dance"] (instrumental section) ["Let's Get It Started" by Black Eyed Peas] Let's get it started (ha!) Let's get it started in here Let's get it started (ha!) Let's get it started in here Let's get it started (ha!) Let's get it started in here And the bass keeps runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' ["Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand] I say, "Don'tcha know?" You say you don't know I say, "Take me out" I say, "You don't show" Don't move, time is slow I say, "Take me out" ["Beverly Hills" by Weezer] Beverly Hills, that's where I wanna be (Gimme gimme) Living in Beverly Hills Beverly Hills, rolling like a celebrity (Gimme gimme) Living in Beverly Hills ["Speed Of Sound" by Coldplay] And birds go flying at the speed of sound To show you how it all began Birds came flying from the underground If you could see it, then you'd understand ["Float On" by Modest Mouse] And we'll all float on okay And we'll all float on All right, already, we'll all float on Now don't you worry, we'll all float on All right ["Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz] Feel good Feel good Feel good ["Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls] Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Don'tcha Don'tcha Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was raw like me Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was fun like me Don'tcha Don'tcha don'tcha don'tcha ["Somebody Told Me" by The Killers] Somebody told me you had a boyfriend Who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February Of last year It's not confidential Well, I got potential Rushin' and rushin' around ["Slither" by Velvet Revolver] Hey! Hey! Hey! ["Candy Shop" by 50 Cent] I'll take you to the candy shop I'll let you lick the lollipop Go 'head girl, don't you stop Keep goin' 'til you hit the spot - woah! (We'll take you to the candy shop) Yeah! (For one taste of what we got) Uh huh (We'll have you spendin' all you got) Come on (Keep goin' 'til you hit the spot - woah!) ["Drop It Like It's Hot" by Snoop Dogg] When the pimp's in the crib, ma Drop it like it's hot Drop it like it's hot Drop it like it's hot When the pigs try to get at you Park it like it's hot Park it like it's hot ["Pon De Replay" by Rihanna] Come mister deejay, song pon de replay (Come mister deejay won't you turn the music up?) All the gal up on the dance floor wantin' some more what (Come mister deejay won't you turn the music up?) Hey mister, please mister deejay Tell me if you hear me Turn the music up! ["Gold Digger" by Kanye West] She take my money (She take my money) When I'm in need (When I'm in need) Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed (friend indeed) Oh, she's a gold digger Way over town (Way over town) That digs on me Hey! Hey! Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke broke Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke broke Get down, girl, go 'head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go 'head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go 'head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go 'head But I ain't sayin' she's a... Gold gold digger (no) Gold gold digger (no) Gold gold digger Hey!
Virus Alert ----------- Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please Really want to give you a warning 'Cause I found out this morning 'Bout a dangerous, insidious computer virus If you should get any mail with the subject: "Stinky Cheese" Better not go taking your chances Under no circumstances Should you open it or else it will Translate your documents into Swahili Make your TV record "Gigli" Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling (Look out!) It's gonna make your computer screen freeze (Look out!) Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs (Look out!) Erase your hard drive and your back-ups too And the hard drive of anyone related to you Virus alert! Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls It'll make your keyboard all sticky Give your poodle a hickey And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney Then it will tie up your phone making crank long distance calls It'll set your clocks back an hour And start hogging the shower So just trash it now, or else it will Decide to give you a permanent wedgie Legally change your name to Reggie Even mess up the pH balance in you pool (Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off your skull (Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull (Look out!) And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep (Look out!) And make you physically attracted to sheep (Look out!) Steal your identity and your credit cards (Look out!) Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards (Look out!) Then cause a major rift in time and space And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place That's right, it's a... Virus alert Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Warn all your friends, send this to everybody Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born So before it e-mails your grandmother all of your porn... Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down Drop it in a 43-foot hole in the ground Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online Virus alert Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert Delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Warn all your friends, send this to everybody Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now What are you waiting for? Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know Hit... send... right... now
Confessions Part III -------------------- parody of "Confessions Part II" by Usher Watch this... These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more secrets to tell you today These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me So now I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid That's not all... Now I recall more, you see So I'll give you part 3 of my confessions Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts 1 and 2 Like remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore, Pauly Shore? That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for I borrowed your ChapStick from you... without asking Oh, and I tried out your nose-hair trimmer too And by the way, your "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I need to get some things off my chest right away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink There've been times when I peed in your sink Don't know why... But you and I should agree That belongs in part 3 of my confessions Baby, forgive me, I'm still tryin' to figure out Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout Oh, and sometimes in private... Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick Hockey stick My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise I haven't changed my underwear in 27 days And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget I'm so sorry, Debbie... I mean Bridget These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I've got a few more secrets I'd like to convey These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor FYI, it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore) Woops, my bad... (hope you're not sore at me) But you'll be madder at me (even wanna tell you baby) When I finish part 3 of my confessions [spoken] You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this... But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit Th-That thing was hideous... what were you thinking? Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all outta Rice Krispies? What I meant was... There was only enough left for me Sorry These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I thought of some more things that should scare you away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat Anyway... I shouldn't say anymore Till I give you part 4 of my confessions [spoken] I mean, I'm just gettin' started here I'm not even halfway down the list This thing could go on for - Hey, where you goin'? Honey? What? Was it something I said? Women...
Weasel Stomping Day ------------------- Faces filled with joy and cheer What a magical time of year Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day Put your Viking helmet on Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day All the little girls and boys Love that wonderful crunching noise You'll know what this day's about When you stomp a weasel's guts right out So, come along and have a laugh Snap their weasely spines in half Grab your boots and stomp your cares away Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day (Sounds of weasels getting stomped on, with bone-crunching and rodent-screeching effects) People love them down the street Crushing weasels beneath their feet Why we do it, who can say? But it's such a festive holiday So let the stomping fun begin Bash their weasely skulls right in It's tradition, that makes it okay Hey everyone, it's Weasel Stomping We'll have some fun on Weasel Stomping Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day Hip Hip Hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day Weasel Stomping Day Hey!
Close But No Cigar ------------------ Jillian was her name She was sweeter than aspartame Her kisses reconfigured my DNA And after that I never was the same And I loved her even more than Marlon Brando loved soufflé She was gorgeous, she was charming Yeah, she was perfect in every way Except she was always usin' the word "infer" When she obviously meant "imply" And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing But frankly, I can't imagine why And I told her, I said... Hey! Are we playin' horseshoes, honey? No, I don't think we are You're close... But no cigar Then I met sweet young Janet Prettiest thing on the planet Had a body hotter than a habañero She had lips like a ripe pomegranate And I was crazy like Manson about her She got me all choked up like Mama Cass She had a smile so incredibly radiant You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass I thought after all these years of searchin' around I'd found my soul mate finally But one day I found out she actually owned a copy Of "Joe Dirt" on DVD Aw, no... I said... Hey! Are we lobbin' hand grenades, kiddo? No, I don't think we are You're close Aw, so very close Yeah, baby, you're close, so close But no cigar Julie played water polo She wore a ribbon on her left Manolo She had me sweatin' like Nixon every time she was near My heart was beatin' like a Buddy Rich solo And she was everything I've dreamed of She moved right up to #1 on my list And did I mention she's a world-famous billionaire Bikini supermodel astrophysicist? Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron Look like a big fat slobberin' pig The only caveat is one of her ear lobes Was just a little tiny bit too big I said... Hey! Are we doin' government work here? No, I don't think we are You're close So very, very close Aw, baby, you're close, so close But no cigar Missed it by that much Aw yeah, all right Really, really, really close But no cigar
Do I Creep You Out ------------------ parody of "Do I Make You Proud" by Taylor Hicks I know that you don't know me very well We've barely met, but I can surely tell No one will ever love you like I do I like to feel the warm spot on your chair Sometimes I drool and usually I stare My precious one I saved that gum... that you threw in the garbage You're the one I dream about But the only question with me now Is do I creep you out? Every time I shake your hand, now Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth Well, do I creep you out? Call you every night and hang up Gonna carve your name in my leg In my leg Somethin' I should ask about... Can I sniff the pit stains on your blouse? And do I creep you... do I creep you out? (Your restraining order's out) (Still the only question with me now) Oh, the only question (Is do I creep you out?) Is do I creep you out? Know exactly where you live now Followed you from work back to your house Well, do I creep you out? Do I creep you out?
Trapped In The Drive-Thru ------------------------- parody of "Trapped In The Closet" by R. Kelly 7:00 in the evenin', watchin' somethin' stupid on TV I'm zoned out on the sofa when my wife comes in the room and sees me And she says, "Is this 'Behind The Music' with Lynyrd Skynyrd?" And I say, "I don't know... say, it's gettin' late, whatcha wanna do for dinner?" She says, "I kinda had a big lunch, so I'm not super hungry" I said, "Well, you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either, but I could eat" She says, "So what do you have in mind?" I said, "I don't know, what about you?" She says, "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat" I said, "That's what we're gonna do... But first you gotta tell me what it is you're hungry for" And she says, "Lemme think, what's left in our refrigerator?" I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know" She said, "That went bad a week ago" I said, "Is the chili okay?" She said, "You finished that yesterday" I hopped up and said, "I don't know, do you wanna get somethin' delivered?" And she's like, "Why would I wanna eat liver? I don't even like liver" I'm like, "No, I said delivered" She's like, "I heard you say liver" I'm like, "I should know what I said" She's like, "Whatever... I just don't want any liver" Well, I was gonna say something But my cell phone started to ring Now who could be callin' me? Well, I checked my caller ID It was just cousin Larry callin' for the third time today My wife said, "Let it go to voice mail" I said, "Okay" "Where were we? Oh, dinner, right... So what do you wanna do?" She says, "Why don't you whip up something in the kitchen?" "Yeah?" I said, "Why don't you?" And then she says, "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?" I says "No," she says "Yes," I says "No," she says "Yes" I says "No," she says "Yes... oh, here's your keys" I step a little bit closer and say "Okay, where you wanna go?" She says, "How 'bout The Ivy?" I said, "Yeah, well, I don't know... I don't feel like getting all dressed up and eatin' expensive food" She says, "Olive Garden?" I say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood... And Burrito King would make me gassy, there's no doubt" She says, "Just forget about it" I said, "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out" Then I get an idea I say, "I know what we'll do..." She says "What?" I say "Guess" she says "WHAT?!" I say, "We're goin' to the drive-thru" She we head out the front door Open the garage door Then I open the car doors And we get in those car doors Put my key in the ignition And then I turn it sideways Then we fasten our seat belts As we pull out the driveway Then we drive to the drive-thru Heading off to the drive-thru We're approaching the drive-thru Getting close to the drive-thru Almost there at the drive-thru Now we're here at the drive-thru Here in line at the drive-thru Did I mention the drive-thru? Well, here we are in the drive-thru line, me and her Cars in front of us, cars in back of us, all just waiting to order There's some idiot in a Volvo with his brights on behind me I lean out the window and scream, "Hey, whatcha tryin' to do, blind me?" My wife says, "Maybe we should park... We could just go eat inside" I said, "I'm wearin' bunny slippers... so I ain't leavin' this ride" Now a woman on a speaker box is sayin', "Can I take your order, please?" I said, "Yes indeed, you certainly can... We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese" Then my wife says, "Baby... hold on, I've changed my mind... I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich instead this time" I said, "You always get a cheeseburger!" She says, "That's not what I'm hungry for" I put my head in my hands and scream... "I don't know who you are anymore!" The voice on the speaker says, "I don't have all day" I said, "Then take our order, and we'll be on our way... I wanna get a chicken sandwich... and I want a cheeseburger too..." She's like, "You want onions on that?" I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do... Plus we need curly fries, and don't you dare forget it... And two medium root beers - no, just one, we'll split it" Then I said, "I'm guessin' that you're probably not too bright... So read me back my order, let's make sure you got it right" She says, "1... you want a chicken sandwich... 2... you want a cheeseburger... 3... curly fries and a large root beer -" "Stop! Don't go no further... I never ordered a large root beer - I said medium, not large" Then she says, "We havin' a special, I super-sized you at no charge" "Oh" And that's all I could say was "Oh" And she says, "Now there's somethin' else that I really think you should know... You can have unlimited refills for just a quarter more" I said, "Great, except we're in the drive-thru... So what would I want that for?" Then she says, "Wait a minute... Your voice sounds so familiar... hey, is this Paul?" And my wife is all like, "No, that ain't Paul! Now tell me, who's this Paul?" She says, "Oh, he's just some guy who goes to school with me... I sat behind him last year and I copied off of him in geometry" I said, "I know a guy named Paul, he used to be my plumber... He was prematurely bald and he moved to Pittsburgh last summer... He also had bladder problems and a really bad infection on his toe -" And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop right there... That's way more than I needed to know" And then we both were quiet And things got real intense And then she says, "Next window, please - that'll be five dollars and eight-two cents" So we inched ahead in line, movin' painfully slow I got a little bored, so I turned on the radio [instrumental recreation of "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin] Click - turned it off because my wife was getting a headache So we both just sat there quietly, for her sake Then I looked at her And she looked back at me And I said, "Um... I think you have somethin' in your teeth" She turned away from me, and then turned back and said, "Did I get it?" I said, "Yeah... Well, I mean, most of it... But hey, y'know, don't sweat it" Then she said... "How 'bout now?" I said, "Yeah, almost... There's still a little bit there, but don't worry... It's probably just a piece of toast" Now we're at the pay window or whatever you call it Put my hand in my pocket I can't believe there's no wallet And the lady at the window's like... "Well well well, that'll be $5.82" I turn around to my wife and say, "How much have you got on you?" She just rolls her eyes and says, "I'll pay for this, I guess" So she reaches into her purse and busts out the American Express I hand it to the lady And she says, "Oh dear... It's gotta be cash only... We don't take credit cards here" I took back the card and said, "Gee, really? Well, that sucks" And that's when I found out my wife was only carryin' three bucks I said, "I thought you were gonna hit the ATM today." She says, "I never got around to it... so where's your wallet anyway?" And I said, "Never mind, just help me to find some change" Now the lady at the window's lookin' at me kinda strange And she says, "Mister, please, we gotta move this line along" I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses, lady, we won't be long" So I looked around inside the glove box and checked the mat beneath my feet I found a nickel in an ashtray and a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats Before long I had a little pile of coins of every sort The lady counts it up and says, "You're still about a dollar short" And now my woman's got this weird look frozen on her face She screams, "You know, I wasn't even really hungry in the first place!" And so I turned around to the cashier again I shrugged and said, "Okay... Forget the chicken sandwich then" So I pick up my change Pick up my receipt And I drive to the pick-up window Man, I just can't wait to eat And now we see this acne-ridden kid, about 16 Wearin' a dorky name tag that says "Hello, my name is Eugene" And he hands me a paper bag I look him in the eyes And I say to him, "Hey Eugene, could I get some ketchup for my fries?" Well, he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he says, "I'm sorry... What did you want again?" I say, "Ketchup" And he says, "Oh, yeah, that's right... I just spaced out there for a second... I'm really kinda burnt tonight" And then he hands me the ketchup And now we're finally drivin' away And the food is drivin' me mad with its intoxicating bouquet I'm starvin' to death by the time we pull up at the traffic light I say, "Baby, gimme that burger, I just gotta have a bite" So she reaches in the bag and pulls out the burger and she hands me the burger and I pick up the burger and then I unwrap the paper I bite into those buns and I just can't believe it... They forgot the onions!
Don't Download This Song ------------------------ Once in a while maybe you will feel the urge To break international copyright law By downloading mp3s from file-sharing sites Like Morpheus or Grokster or Limewire or KaZaA But deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad And the shame would leave a permanent scar 'Cause you start out stealing songs, and then you're robbing liquor stores And selling crack and running over school kids with your car So don't download this song The record store's where you belong Go and buy the CD like you know that you should Oh, don't download this song Oh, you don't wanna mess with the RIAA They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R It doesn't matter if you're a grandma or a 7-year-old girl They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten criminal scum you are So don't download this song Don't go pirating music all day long Go and buy the CD like you know that you should Oh, don't download this song Don't take away money from artists just like me How else can I afford another solid gold Humvee? And diamond-studded swimming pools, these things don't grow on trees So all I ask is, everybody, please... Don't download this song Even Lars Ulrich knows it's wrong Go and buy the CD like you know that you should Oh, don't download this song... Don't download this song Or you might wind up in jail like Tommy Chong Go and buy the CD like you know that you should Oh, don't download this song... Don't download this song Or you'll burn in Hell before too long Go and buy the CD like you know that you should Oh, don't download this song

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